First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I want a musical about memes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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