You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
