Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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