38 yer olds are good kisserssss
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
