...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
