My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
