I cockslap morals
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
