He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
