On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
