is wine microwaveable?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
