The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
