just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
