I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I cockslap morals
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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