i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
