I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
