I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
