She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Welp...herpes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
