I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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