you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
