hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
