i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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