yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
