my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
