can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
