Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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