Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
