saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
