Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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