what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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