Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
