I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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