just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
