Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
