like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
