Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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