what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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