I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
