Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
