I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
