a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
