Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
