that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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