Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
