Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
