just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
