He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
