Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
