At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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