Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
