I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
