I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
