She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
