who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
