Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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